Wednesday, October 03, 2007

I see the moon, and the moon sees me...



I suspect that the difference between 'loveable eccentric' and 'dangerous lunatic' is largely one of money in the end. It's imperative that I get rich, therefore, if I'm to avoid being locked up.

This morning I poured black coffee on my cornflakes. Again. It wasn't until I began to add the milk that I realised something was terribly amiss. I don't quite know what it is about coffee that throws me. Maybe it's an early morning thing, and I simply haven't got myself properly into gear. I've been known to put the coffee pot in the fridge, once the coffee's made, and then wonder what the hell I've done with it. I've even made it and then tipped it carefully down the sink, making sure that the grounds don't splash up onto the draining board.

I also do a fair amount of that standing still and scratching my chin business, and thinking - er...what did I come in here for? Eventually the newsagent waves a clue, and then I'm OK again.

None of this would matter, provided I could afford a private nurse to wheel me about and point me in the appropriate direction. Toothbrush. Suit. Double bass. Microphone.

Fortunately I do find it quite funny - though not quite as hilarious as my nearest and dearest. I tell them they should be trying to preserve me for a little longer, and keep me from being slung into a bridewell at least until they have jobs and are able to support themselves. I wouldn't have let my Dad go out looking like that, I say, at least not without warning the neighbours...

Some time ago I tried to unlock my car with the TV remote. Prodding away with the thing for about twenty seconds, I must have been, before spotting my mistake. Fortunately nobody saw me.

"But what button were you using?" my kids wanted to know. What button? What possible difference could that make? It was never going to work, as any fool could tell you.

5 comments:

lynda said...

It strikes me that writing your entry at 4 in the morning might contribute to your early dabbles with insanity.I could be wrong and it is more serious than that or else a lovable foible.
Did you try the 'av' button.If it can turn the air blue in our house who knows what it can do given fresh air.

Steve Augarde said...

Ha. You could be right, Lynda. Four in the morning is an hour that makes no sense whichever way you come at it. It's either too late or too early. Mind you, I've heard that said of three in the afternoon.

loopyjuice said...

Key to the highway (revisited)

I woke up this mornin'
My wifes handbag had gone
Must have been y a big man
'Cause it weighed a ton
Yes it must have been a big man
A real son of a gun

So if your feelin' loansome
Or just wanna steal from my spouse
Come on down to my place
But be as quiet as a mouse
Yes , just come on down to my place
It's always open house

Steve Augarde said...

Very good. Sounds like a Ramblin' Ed Lilyplucker number to me.

loopyjuice said...

I understand your predicament Steve
There is so much artistic flair circulating within the vortex of your ancient mind, it cannot unspiral quick enough, to allow the grey matter of a middle age mortal such as yourself, to fall to the depths of mundane neccessity.

Hope springs eternal.
Many a good tune, is played on an old fiddle. But alas, there's alot more bad ones

I know, I knew Topal, or
Was it Watt Tyler

or some other roofy chappy