Wednesday, October 03, 2007
I see the moon, and the moon sees me...
I suspect that the difference between 'loveable eccentric' and 'dangerous lunatic' is largely one of money in the end. It's imperative that I get rich, therefore, if I'm to avoid being locked up.
This morning I poured black coffee on my cornflakes. Again. It wasn't until I began to add the milk that I realised something was terribly amiss. I don't quite know what it is about coffee that throws me. Maybe it's an early morning thing, and I simply haven't got myself properly into gear. I've been known to put the coffee pot in the fridge, once the coffee's made, and then wonder what the hell I've done with it. I've even made it and then tipped it carefully down the sink, making sure that the grounds don't splash up onto the draining board.
I also do a fair amount of that standing still and scratching my chin business, and thinking - er...what did I come in here for? Eventually the newsagent waves a clue, and then I'm OK again.
None of this would matter, provided I could afford a private nurse to wheel me about and point me in the appropriate direction. Toothbrush. Suit. Double bass. Microphone.
Fortunately I do find it quite funny - though not quite as hilarious as my nearest and dearest. I tell them they should be trying to preserve me for a little longer, and keep me from being slung into a bridewell at least until they have jobs and are able to support themselves. I wouldn't have let my Dad go out looking like that, I say, at least not without warning the neighbours...
Some time ago I tried to unlock my car with the TV remote. Prodding away with the thing for about twenty seconds, I must have been, before spotting my mistake. Fortunately nobody saw me.
"But what button were you using?" my kids wanted to know. What button? What possible difference could that make? It was never going to work, as any fool could tell you.